Right before our communion time we have time to quiet our hearts to search our hearts and minds, what is keeping me back from full communion with God? Today, I wept. I didn’t have to think too far back, it’s who I am when nobody is watching.
I sent my order for coffee yesterday to the wrong store. And I cried. Really? It’s five bucks. Why am I weeping? And out poured so many feelings. I fought it at first but then I got to the crux. I have been viewing my life in terms of when is this going to be over.
Don’t worry, not my life, but this set of circumstances. When can I move on to the next thing? I’m done with the physical issues I am having. I’m ready to check the box and hit the mountain top. Do you have something you are “in” that you would like over? So we can do that mountaintop flyover and look back at how beautifully God met us. That kind of thing.
Although, in Philippians, Paul does say that it would be far better, or very much better to depart and be with Christ. But he knew there was fruitful labor for him still, so this is where he needed to be.
I have to imagine sitting in a Roman prison, he wanted to be other places as well. How could this be God’s best plan to have him in jail? He could never know the impact his letters would have and how far they have actually traveled. His little life in the hands of the Almighty God changed and is changing so many lives.
We don’t know our impact either. A gentle answer to a clerk that gave us the wrong total. A smile and wave to a police person as you walk by. Even more critical, a prayer said when God lays someone on your heart. An encouraging word to someone. A card sent. The words thank you.
I may never have a week without dizziness or migraines, but you know what I do have? I have Jesus. I have Jesus in the middle of the night, I am able to pray for others in this quiet, dark time. I also am able to sympathize with others struggling with pain.
Coming back to the start, who I am when nobody is looking convicts me. I have always been an offensive (not so much defensive) driver. I have always worn that as a badge of honor until now, but yesterday changed all that. I got angry at a driver who literally cut. Me. Off. How dare they. I’ve NEVER done anything like that, ever.
I said that aloud to the cute little dog and myself. I think she may have given me a side eye. But memories flooded in my mind, I’ve done the same thing. And I don’t like it. I don’t want my drive times to be filled with frustration.
“Don’t you know that the runners in a stadium all race, but only one receives the prize? Run in such a way to win the prize. Now everyone who competes exercises self-control in everything. However, they do it to receive a crown that will fade away, but we a crown that will never fade away. Therefore I do not run like one who runs aimlessly or box like one beating the air. Instead, I discipline my body and bring it under strict control, so that after preaching to others, I myself will not be disqualified.”
1 Corinthians 9:24-27 HCSB
Run in such a way as to win the price. Discipline my body (and my mind) to bring it under strict control. It’s time for me to do this in two areas: stop praying to be OVER the trials and instead look for God in them with me and my driving.
How about you?
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