Who has the reins?

Not many of you should become teachers, my brothers, for you know that we who teach will be judged with greater strictness. 2 For we all stumble in many ways. And if anyone does not stumble in what he says, he is a perfect man, able also to bridle his whole body. 3 If we put bits into the mouths of horses so that they obey us, we guide their whole bodies as well. 4 Look at the ships also: though they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are guided by a very small rudder wherever the will of the pilot directs. 5 So also the tongue is a small member, yet it boasts of great things.The Holy Bible: English Standard Version (Wheaton, IL: Crossway Bibles, 2025), Jas 3:1–5.

My youngest Ella expanded on James’ words here with some additional insights on horses. The bit in the mouth of a horse keeps equal pressure throughout its mouth. Hence, pulling back with both reins slows and stops the horse. Use one rein correctly to steer the horse in the desired direction. Yanking on the bit, pulling outward rather than towards the rider hip, etc does not communicate to the horse. However, just as James says, use the bit effectively and by controlling the horse’s head you control the entire body.

As I’ve already said, I started a new job recently and the learning curve is a bit steep. Friends, I feel I’m having an out of body experience here. Seriously. I’m apologizing left and right, near tears, and freaking myself trying to catch every error and make everyone happy. It’s exhausting. Why am I doing this? What is pulling my head to the right or to the left? It is driving my whole body, just like that horse that James mentions. (the above picture is an old picture of Ella and Goliath, my favorite horse 🙂 )

First, I am a people pleaser. So, somewhere I have learned and taught myself that if I apologize enough, people will like me and want to help me. Ouch. Reading this aloud humbles me. I am looking for outward approval which is not a desire that achieves the peace I seek, nor follow the Scripture I believe to be true and my life. There is a choice to be made, will I choose the freedom of following the peace of God or the chains of pride/people pleasing?

As I have been spiraling about my words and thoughts at work, I realize that nobody has asked me to apologize or said anything to bring me to tears. In fact, people have gone over and above to be kind, helpful and encouraging. It’s not very often that you start in life with a blank slate, where nobody knows you. I am the one putting the inordinate amount of pressure on myself, being extremely hard on myself, and in turn, exhausting myself.

So, controlling my thoughts and tongue begins with having Scripture there instead. Pausing before the immediate apology, inserting the truth in my mind, especially with what I am memorizing. Also, realizing that people have their own work, own thoughts, own problems that have nothing to do with me. My analyzing every response and quirk is so much more energy that my brain can handle on top of learning this job. The other part of this, the tragic part, I am sure I have missed opportunities to be the hands and feet of Jesus because I have been so preoccupied.

(Above picture is another favorite horse Leo and Danny). Remembering the indwelling of the Spirit in my life and in the moments where I want to apologize for things that do not need it. Walk in the light, Cara, as he is in the light. Walk in his confidence. I am covered and cleansed by the blood of Jesus. There’s a difference in my mind between self-confidence and HIS confidence. I walk, not in my confidence, but knowing that his Spirit abides in me. Peace is not something the world can give me. His peace is mine because I am His.

And finally, keeping the word in my mind. Not only in the middle of a work day, but also in the middle of the night, what do I know to be true? Review the verses I know. When I’m not sure which way is up, bring the verses to mind. Say them aloud. Sing the songs. And the blood of Jesus cleanses us from all unrighteousness.

I don’t need to yank harder on the reins. I don’t need to monitor every word, every facial expression, every response from another person. I need to remember who is leading me.

Fear doesn’t get the reins. People-pleasing doesn’t get the reins. Jesus does.